I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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