Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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