Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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