Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
