No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
