Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
