When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
