I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
