pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's shark week go big or go home
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
