Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
