Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
