I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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