In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
