My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
