Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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