I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
