Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
