And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
