Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
