Sponge bath it is.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
