I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
