see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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