I will die if light touches me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
