i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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