just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
whose ass print is on the piano?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
