Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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