and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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