She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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