Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
