what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
