is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
