I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
