woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
