Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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