she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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