But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
