theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
