I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
