What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
