Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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