u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
