Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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