The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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