I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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