what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
