you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
