i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
