My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
