He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
