it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
