woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
