omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
