Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
